Fashion

Dressing as myself

dimples post number 2

Above are the tan pants that inspired a blog post with two of my inspiration boards in the background.

 

2017 has been a year of change for me.  I left a job that was slowly chipping away at me spiritually, emotionally and even physically.  I began a path towards the creative future that I have always envisioned.  Along with the changes, I felt a need to overhaul my physical surroundings.  A huge part of that is cleaning out my two overstuffed closets to the point where everything that should go in the closets can fit in there (this is still a work in progress).

 

I have come across items that made me feel a myriad of emotions.  My leftover accessories from the early 2000s were particularly hilarious: a straw cowboy hat, a cream satin belt with a rhinestone buckle, a cowboy style belt that did not go with the hat at all.  I found items that reminded of me of good times, such as the DKNY blazer that was the first designer item of my adult wardrobe.  The day I brought it at Filene’s Basement, I was so excited that it was cute and ecstatic that I could afford it.  I was also reminded of the sad times, like the sandals I wore the day I had to put my senior cat to sleep.  I easily donated all items except the blazer, which I will probably keep forever.

 

One of the items I struggled to decide on was a simple pair of pants.  They are a pair of tan wide-leg slacks, which had been perfectly tailored to fit me.  They still look new, probably because I only wore them twice.  I can imagine Katharine Hepburn wearing them, but the issue is I am nothing like Katharine.  She had a slim figure and I am more like Jennifer Lopez on my bottom half.  She was tall and I am somewhere between short and average height, depending on who you ask.  She preferred an androgynous style while I prefer my clothes to be as feminine as possible.

 

What in the world was my problem with donating these pants then?  Why would I want to keep something that is neither particularly flattering to my body type nor complementary to my style?  I wondered if I will ever need them again.  Was this something that I should have in my wardrobe?  These pants had me feeling more self-doubt than a pair of pants ever should.  Would I ever have to return to the general drabness of cubicle land?  Should I want to wear something that makes me feel like I blend in?  Why can’t I feel good in something that would be considered a basic building block of a wardrobe?

 

The problem or simply the fact is that I do not like plain.  Plain makes me sad, like it desperately needs a dose of glitter.  Instinctively, my clothes do not blend in.  I remember my middle school classmates making fun of a super bright, super early 90’s multi-patterned shirt (the sleeves and the hood and the body of the shirt were different patterns) I was wearing.  I didn’t care, I loved that shirt.  One boy said I always tried to stand out, like there was something wrong with that.  I kept wearing the shirt and I kept loving the shirt because it fit my burgeoning style.  (I wish I still had that shirt.)

 

So, how did I ever get to the point of wearing tan pants?  I don’t wear much black because it washes me out.  That at least explains the color.  I chose the wide-leg fit because more fitted pants brought too much attention to my curvy bottom.  (That unwanted attention is another blog post or ten because I have so many thoughts on it.)  I wanted to look like I belonged in the office culture.  I never really fit in and I wanted some way to show that I should be there.

 

The fact is I never should have been there.  I let myself settle in a place where I would I never be happy or fulfilled, where the people showed me daily how they did not like or respect me.  It is worse that I stayed in this miserable place for over a decade.  The office itself was my prison, but so was the way I would not let my inner self out.  I dressed older in my 20s than I do now.  Gradually, I began dressing like myself at work partially thanks to a change to business casual, and then casual dress code.  My tops featured foxes, owls and other animals.  My dresses were bright and glorious.  My skirts swirled when I turned around in the copy room.

 

The change that occurred was more than appearance.  I felt like myself for the first time in years.  I felt glimpses of happiness at work even on my worse days when I looked at my very me-like outfits in the mirror.  Those outfits helped me gain the wings I needed to fly closer to my destiny.

 

The tan pants will be donated to charity tomorrow.  I don’t need them anymore nor will I allow their dullness to be part of my life.  I will wear things and take part in things that bring joy to my life.  I am ready to shine.

For suggestions on non-boring work clothes, please see my “Fun Work Clothes” Pinterest board.

© Dimples and Grins. All Rights Reserved.

2 thoughts on “Dressing as myself

  1. Wow! What an inspiring post. Shine like the sun and soar like an eagle, Sister. Being your true self is the only way you ever should be. Your gifts will make room for you. Always. You’ll never find yourself in a cubicle again. Unless you’re in there giving someone fashion advice. xoxo

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