I came across a bunch of my notebooks while cleaning up, so I will be sharing poems from different eras of my life. I will cycle back to my poems written in the 1990’s at another time. After reading this poem, which was written in 2001, I could not stop thinking about it. I cannot tell you what triggered this poem since I do not have the specific date. What I can tell you about this time was that I was attending university full time, while working part time. I think a lot of what I was feeling was related to being extremely sleep deprived and extremely stressed out. The emotion in the poem makes me want to time travel to give my younger self a hug and tell her things will get better.
Self-Reflection of Agony
Moonlight pours through my window,
While everyone rests their eyes.
The need for sleep escapes me.
With only emptiness to occupy me,
Lonely and frustrated tears
Flow from my weary soul
That no one can see on the outside.
Filled with sorrow and misery
From this world I want to flee
No words can express my feelings
No expression can show my pain.
Searching for better days,
I find they often end the same.
No better than before, as always.
Each breath I take is torture
Each smile I fake is agony
Outward appearance fools the untrained eye
The internal bruises go unseen
The inward scars remain unnoticed.
On this night, with the moonlight
I experience the self-reflection of agony.
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