Life

My first Mother’s Day without my mother

As Americans ramp up to celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend, I find myself experiencing a new level of grief for the day I will never spend with my mother again. Knowing that Mother’s Day is approaching would be difficult enough I imagine, but I receive multiple daily reminders of it. I check my email and there are several emails from various companies saying, “Hey, don’t forget to buy Mom a present.” Somehow, they don’t consider not everyone has a Mom. There should definitely be an option to opt out of those kinds of emails.

Yesterday, I was in line at T.J. Maxx holding back tears. Anyone who visits T.J. Maxx knows that the check-out line is designed to make you spend more money because you are surrounded by items not displayed in other parts of the store. The shelves were filled with Mother’s Day merchandise. After I locked eyes with something I know my mother would have loved, I felt overwhelmed with sadness. I spent the rest of my wait staring over into the men’s department, so that I didn’t have to face any further reminders that I don’t have a mother anymore.

I will spend this weekend avoiding social media and all the smiling pictures of people and their mothers. I’m not jealous or bitter, but sometimes all the reminders of my mother’s passing are too much.

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